The rain before the storm

Throughout American history it has been rough to be a black man. African males were treated as third of a person or sold by the dozen if they were not good enough. The backs and blood of immigrants built America. From migration from Europe to slavery, but did you know Africans came before Columbus. First it was Trayvon Martin, then Eric Garner and we cannot forget Michael Brown whom they left in the street for countless hours. After that there was Walter Scott who was shot with excessive force. Black men being killed without justice because they are your worst nightmare. Or is it because of societies portrayal?

In recent news Baltimore is rioting because of the death of Freddie Gray and the speculation of how it occurred. I begin to wonder if this is a sign that as a people African Americans are tired and outraged. No justice no peace? But for so long no justice has been served but we are mandated to return to being peaceful. They may no longer want to turn the other cheek to their oppressor but let their outrage be felt. The public is crying for change by any means necessary. They have tried being peaceful but it seems as if no solution has been made. With all of that being said I hate to see a community torn down in anger, people losing their jobs, homes and businesses. There is another way but is mainstream society willing to provide that opportunity. When does it end? How many lives have to be lost? Change needs to happen now and this may be the season. Black lives matter. All lives matter.

I spy with my eyes....

Recently I started back at the gym in hopes of becoming fit. I have set my goals, given myself the opportunity and dove in head first. Time management is my worst attribute. I procrastinate on school assignments, working out, cooking, washing clothes. If you can name it I probably take my time doing it even though I do mange to get it done on time. I like to say I work better under pressure but lately I have found myself wanting to venture away from that habit. I am becoming more laid back and carefree unless it is something I am passionate about. I just want to sit back and enjoy life. And lets not forget look good doing it!

Today at the gym I was lifting weights. I was mid way through my clean and press and I felt eyes staring at me. Let me first tell you that I had my headphone set extremely high because I knew this could happen if I went to this particular gym around a certain time. All the want to be body builders, fireman, police and guys who work nights are there. Every time I moved I felt someone watching me. Its hard to concentrate when you are trying not to think about someone gawking at you the entire time. I eventually became uncomfortable enough that I finished quicker than I wanted to so I could leave. They gym is a place where you go to work out and not feel harassed. It is that plain and simple. For me that was one of the reasons I stopped going but this time I refused to give in because of being uncomfortable. Next time I plan to confront them and honestly if I am going to bring it to your attention it will not be nice by any means. Why should I be nice when you are being disrespectful?

To anyone that is working out and feels uncomfortable keep pushing and do not be afraid to speak up. To those who are gawking keep your uncomfortable looks to yourself, we are there to work out not be a show. If you need a show go watch TV.

Perception is key

Photo from medpreps.com

The first thing I see when I turn on the TV, and thats not often, are infomercials for diets. America has the number one Obesity rate in industrialized countries with Europe and Australia not too far behind. The typical American diet consist of mostly processed foods. According to the Non-GMO Project GMOs (or “genetically modified organisms”) are living organisms whose genetic material has been artificially manipulated in a laboratory through genetic engineering, or GE. This relatively new science creates unstable combinations of plant, animal, bacteria and viral genes that do not occur in nature or through traditional crossbreeding methods. There has been testing but none to prove that GMOs are safe for human consumption. Also fast food, it is cheaper to get a double cheeseburger from McDonalds than a salad. Even at the grocery store it is expensive to buy whole grains, fruits and vegetables. It is even more expensive to eat organic. Although this provides more food it has not ben deemed as safe but is allowed because of testing done by companies who produce GMO's. Now tell me this is the right thing to do. At least they should be labeled for people to have the choice. In other countries GMOs are banned. 


More adults and children are obese and suffering from diseases such as heart disease, high cholesterol, and diabetes just to name a few. Pharmaceutical companies, researches, CEOs and Doctors are making substantial amounts of money just off medications alone. They promote a healthy diet but not necessarily a lifestyle change and then load you up on medication. There are always those few exceptions and I hope for more in the future for the sake of America. What are we to do?


The other day I was in Walmart and I saw an overweight lady riding in a motorized cart. I decided to look in her cart and not to my surprise she had ice cream, frozen pizza and cookies. I immediately passed negative judgment on her. I was really upset about the situation because I do not understand why someone would not want to take care of themselves. So as I do everyday I called my fiancé. I was livid and I tried to explain to her about the lady. To my disbelief she disagreed. She explained to me that I do not know the ladies situation and how can I judge her on the items if I do not know they are for her. Its easy to judge someone based on assumptions. You may get the wrong perception about a situation. Even though the world is not how I see fit I see it is not my place to judge but to educate.

Let art be thy will

Growing up I believed I was a brilliant artist. Until one day in the second grade my art teacher told me that I was not gifted in that area. Now to disbelief after being discouraged for so long I have found my passion for Art through writing, photography, playing the acoustic guitar and painting.

Many times we have seen the censorship of art, literature and almost anything that is considered obscene to others. But that is based off the opinion of a few closed minded individuals is how I perceive it. We have the freedom of speech and expression. Jasmine Guy said it best, "Silence the artist and society suffers, culture dies and man returns to the brutishness from once he emerged." For many people art is a way of expression and a way of life. To censor those dreams is to take away freedom to be who you are.

When I was young

When I was in the 1st grade we moved from the slums to suburbs. I made a lot of new friends but remained friends with my old ones. I was able to remain at my elementary school. Where we moved was predominately white. I got to know a lot of children in my neighborhood and even made a new best friend. I remember  playing outside on hot summer days, riding bikes and going to other friends houses. One time we went to another friends house who lived down the street. I was there for about 30 minutes when her parents asked me to go home. I didn't understand why so I just did what I was told to do. The next day I asked my best friend if she had to go home too. Her response was no, she stayed for a while. After that day my mom never let me go to that friends house again.

For the back story I had lived in the neighborhood for about a year. Our parents had meet when they dropped me off at my best friend house for a sleep over. Also, we were the first black family that I know of to move into the neighborhood. Im not sure what to make of the situation. But until this day I am not sure why I was the only person to have to go home.

Waiting for the World

Things in life are never as they seem. For the past few weeks I have sat and debated with myself about the way of the world. What do people really care about? Too often things go noticed but unspoken. When will black on black crime stop? When will justice be served for Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown, Eric Garner and so many black men like them? When will political prisoners be freed? Just because you were a black panther does not give you a sentence of guilty. When will black America wake up and see exactly what is going on? Everyone wants to talk about it but who has yet to take action. There are no more rallies in the streets, there is no one like Martin Luther King or Malcolm X fighting for our rights. I wouldn't say this is about black versus white. This is just about black. Coming together instead of with holding its own. I am an enraged black woman tired of seeing people who I look in the face that look like me struggle but yet do nothing about it. Everyone is not able but for those who are you can help those who cannot. Yet I am still waiting for the world to change. Dr. King and Malcolm X brought us too far to have taken so many steps back. Be the change you wish to see in the world.

To Be Black and Lesbian

Now this is not a post like any other. Im black (a lot of people are) I'm lesbian (another thing to tack on the list) but yet the combination makes me who I am. In America it is hard for men especially black men to be homosexual. That is a double negative. Also as a community there is really no connection or support in most. This is only one problem that we have not only as a black community but as a society. I am glad to be who I am today. I have embraced myself, put aside all attributions that I made up to be better than who I thought I was. I am me. I am proud. I am Black. I am Lesbian. This is my WORLD.

Understand that sexuality is as wide as the sea. Understand that your morality is not law. Understand that we are you. Understand that if we decide to have sex whether safe, safer, or unsafe, it is our decision and you have no rights in our lovemaking.

Derek Jarman